Elizabeth's video

This is the video shown at ET's funeral reception. Thanks to Bobby for putting this together!

Thoughts on Elizabeth

ok, I lied about the final two posts! Someone forwarded to me a poem and some thoughts that they wanted to share, so here they are below. Thanks for forwarding! If anyone else has thoughts they want to share on the blog, please forward them to me at the contact address located on the right-hand column of this page. I can post them anonymously or with credit. Or, if you prefer, I can easily set you up to post directly on the blog yourself.

Special thanks to those who have called the 800- number to record thoughts on Elizabeth for the children. What a wonderful gift! I'll leave the number up and running for a while longer - please call if you can.

--jimmy


I’m Free

Don’t grieve for me,
For now I’m free
A friendship shared,
A laugh, a kiss,
Ah yes, these things
I too will miss.
Be not burdened
With times of sorrow,
I wish you
Sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full,
I’ve savored much,
Good friends, good times,
A loved one’s touch.

Perhaps my time
Seemed all too brief;
Don’t lengthen it now
With undue grief.
Lift up your hearts
And share with me,
God wanted me now;
He set me free.

I truly feel that Elizabeth blessed us all yesterday with such a beautiful day to gather and honor her life. Later in the evening, there was a stunning full bright moon and a clear sky. I felt like that was her light shining down on all of us…as her final gift to us all.

A blog ends, a journey begins...

Today we celebrated ET's life, said our final goodbyes, and let her go. It was said at her service that her "journey" was never about her illness, but always about her faith. That could not be more true. She had strong faith and an unwavering value structure, and she lived her life true to those beliefs. And now her faith has set her on an eternal path, and thus, her journey begins. We are all of us on our own journey, but Elizabeth will be there with us, in our hearts, every step of the way.

I cannot express how grateful I am, and how blessed I feel, to be a part of such a wonderful family. Its been very difficult to lose two cherished sisters in just 10 months, but we've grown stronger and closer as a result. And we all wish to express our heartfelt appreciation for the love and support that this extended community has provided to us. You've all helped ease the pain of this difficult period.

I have plans for only two more blog entries: one to post a link to the slideshow presented today at ET's reception, and one for Rachael's PanCan run. Until then, I thank you all and wish you the very best on your journey.

--jimmy

Why?

That's the question that kept running through my mind tonight as everyone gathered at ET's house to talk, laugh and exchange memories. We sure did laugh a lot. ET would have loved to have been in the thick of things tonight, with people milling all around her house. At the bottom of all the talk and laughter though, is that nagging question - why? Why take someone so beautiful through and through? Someone so sincere and honest and caring? Someone that gave so much to those around her?

Tomorrow will be difficult for sure. Maybe the beginning of really starting to process it all. They're going to play Amazing Grace at the service - Gawd, anything but that. That song tears me up even without a funeral service to deal with. But it was ET's favorite.

It was surreal to go through all the photos and prepare the poster boards. So many memories. And to see the recent photos, you got the sense that ET was just getting started - that her best was yet to come.

Why?

Memories of ET, II

In preparation for the services on Monday, I've been going through boxes and boxes of photographs. So many memories. When I think of Elizabeth, I always consider our heyday to be those early years in Hampton - romping up, down and around Palmer and Sicard streets: a whole pack of kids in scuffed up, hand-me-down or handmade clothes with popsicles in our mouths. We'd be out the door at 8am and wouldn't come home 'til dark. Hm... now that I think of it, where the hell did we eat? Geez, mom. We had a black lab named Cindy that followed us and protected us wherever we went.

I remember once that ET and I lusted after a neighbor's bicycle. We found it in their backyard one day and simply rode it home, took it into the garage, and painted it. Ours. Done deal.

In spite of my bad influence, my sister ET is, and always was, all that is chaste, proper and honorable. She always did the right thing. But she had that Chandler sense of humor (likely cultivated from an entire childhood of apparently eating nothing but popsicles), and she loved to pull a prank. In my thirties, I was living and working in Washington, DC. After Clinton was elected in 1992, ET came to visit over inaugural weekend with sister Pat and friends. I was to meet them at the airport and drive them back to my place. While I was at the rental car counter, ET and the girls ducked into the Women's bathroom to "freshen up". Words cannot describe my horror as they all came strutting out of the bathroom dressed as prostitutes. They were all over me, making quite a scene, and they noisily escorted me through National Airport, completely oblivious to the crowds staring at us. Gawd they were relentless!

As we drove through town, I recall at one point they rolled down the windows and flashed/mooned Senator Joe Biden as he rode to the Inaugural Ball in his limo. Thankfully, he also has a sense of humor. Anyway, I made the mistake of taking them to see my office downtown. While ET kept me occupied, the rest of them went to the corner office and filled my boss's desk drawers, pencil holders and potted plants with tampons. He had security cameras, but lacked a sense of humor.

ET, I will miss your wonderful, playful sense of humor.

Hampton Beach

I had some questions about the passage used in ET's obituary - the final verse from JG Whittier's poem Hampton Beach. The poem is relevant for several reasons. First, we grew up in Hampton, NH, and spent a great deal of time at Hampton Beach. John Greenleaf Whittier also spent a lot of time in Hampton. He was born in Haverhill, Ma., and lived there most of his life. The Chandler family moved to Haverhill, Ma. when ET was 7 years old. ET and I attended JG Whittier Elementary School in Haverhill. Our grandparents ran a bakery in Haverhill, nearly directly across the street from Whittier's boyhood home. Our grandfather illustrated a book of New England that was printed at Whitter Press. So the connection with Whittier is a strong one for us. I was touched by numerous passages from his poem on Hampton Beach, as they seem to deal with the issue of death, and its impact on how we live our lives.

The picture above is of Great Boar's Head in Hampton Beach, circa 1860, by A. W. Fuller, reprinted here with permission from the town of Hampton, NH, Hampton Library. I have many fond memories of this view, at the beach with Elizabeth and the family.

So here, in its entirety, is Whittier's poem.

HAMPTON BEACH
By John Greenleaf Whittier

   The sunlight glitters keen and bright,
      Where, miles away,
   Lies stretching to my dazzled sight,
   A luminous belt, a misty light,
Beyond the dark pine bluffs and wastes of sandy gray.

   The tremulous shadow of the Sea!
      Against its ground
   Of silvery light, rock, hill, and tree,
   Still as a picture, clear and free,
With varying outline mark the coast for miles around.

   On -- on -- we tread with loose-flung rein
      Our seaward way,
   Through dark-green fields and blossoming grain,
   Where the wild brier-rose skirts the lane,
And bends above our heads the flowering locust spray.

   Ha ! like a kind hand on my brow
      Comes this fresh breeze,
   Cooling its dull and feverish glow,
   While through my being seems to flow,
The breath of a new life,, - the healing of the seas!

   Now rest we, where this grassy mound
      His feet bath set
   In the great waters, which have bound
   His granite ankles greenly round
With long and tangled moss, and weeds with cool spray wet.

   Good by to pain and care! I take
      Mine ease to-day :
   Here where these sunny waters break,
   And ripples this keen breeze, I shake
All burdens from the heart, all weary thoughts away.

   I draw a freer breath -- I seem
      Like all I see --
   Waves in the sun -- the white-winged gleam
   Of sea-birds in the slanting beam --
And far-off sails which flit before the south-wind free.

   So when Time's veil shall fall asunder,
      The soul may know
   No fearful change, nor sudden wonder,
   Nor sink the weight of mystery under,
But with the upward rise, and with the vastness grow.

   And all we shrink from now may seem
      No new revealing;
   Familiar as our childhood's stream,
   Or pleasant memory of a dream
The loved and cherished Past upon the new life stealing.

   Serene and mild the untried light
      May have its dawning;
   And, as in summer's northern night
   The evening and the dawn unite,
The sunset hues of Time blend with the soul's new morning.

   I sit alone ; in foam and spray
      Wave after wave
   Breaks on the rocks which, stern and gray,
   Shoulder the broken tide away,
Or murmers hoarse and strong through mossy cleft and cave.

   What heed I of the dusty land
      And noisy town?
   I see the mighty deep expand
   From its white line of glimmering sand
To where the blue of heaven on bluer waves shuts down!

   In listless quietude of mind,
      I yield to all
   The change of cloud and wave and wind
   And passive on the flood reclined,
I wander with the waves, and with them rise and fall.

   But look, thou dreamer! -- wave and shore
      In shadow lie;
   The night-wind warns me back once more
   To where, my native hilltops o'er,
Bends like an arch of fire glowing sunset sky.

   So then, beach, bluff, and wave, farewell !
      I bear with me
   No token stone nor glittering shell,
   But long and oft shall Memory tell
Of this brief thoughtful hour of musing by the Sea.

ET's Obituary

Please view ET's obituary at http://www.falardeaufh.com/obituaries/obit.php?id=2007-188. It will appear in print in tomorrow's edition of the Syracuse Post Standard (www.syracuse.com).

Elizabeth Ann “ET” Tillery, age 47, Baldwinsville, NY

So then, beach, bluff and wave, farewell!
I bear with me
No token stone nor glittering shell,
But long and oft shall Memory tell
Of this brief thoughtful hour of musing by the sea.

- John Greenleaf Whittier, from the poem Hampton Beach


At 2:45 am on Monday, August 20, 2007, we bade farewell to a dear friend, a loving mother and cherished sister. ET endured her painful illness with a strength and grace that inspires us all.

Elizabeth’s journey began in Hampton, NH on March 29, 1960. She paused in Haverhill, Ma. and Alexandria, Va., resting finally in Baldwinsville, NY. Her path has touched the lives of so many, and she leaves an enduring legacy in her children, and in the loving memory of all who knew her. Although our lives will never be the same, her touch has set us all on a better course.

ET is survived by her children, Rachael Tillery, Aaron Tillery, Brandon Smith and Austin Smith, all of Baldwinsville, NY; mother Marion Chandler, Baldwinsville, NY; sisters Patricia Nelson, Sanford, Me. and Jody Chandler, Maynard, Ma.; brothers Robert Chandler, Great Mills, Md., James Chandler, Highland, Md., and Michael Chandler, Portland, Or.; fiancé Michael Smith, Baldwinsville, NY.; numerous nieces, nephews and cousins, and countless friends and colleagues.

Elizabeth, in life you taught us the value of kindness, honesty and humility. In your passing you teach us the beauty of strength and grace. May we all live our lives with the kindness that you’ve shown us, and leave this earth with the grace that you have borne. Ever present in all our hearts, you will be long missed, never forgotten, always cherished.

Services will be held at 12:00 on Monday, August 27, at St. Mary’s of the Assumption Catholic Church, 47 Syracuse Street, Baldwinsville, NY, with interment at Riverview Cemetery, Baldwinsville. Following interment, a reception for family and friends will be held at St. Mary’s, followed by a gathering at ET’s home in Baldwinsville.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to the Palliative Care Unit of St. Joseph’s Hospital in Syracuse, NY, or to Hospice Care of Central New York.